Parenting ain’t easy, and there’s no manual. Being a father is my greatest responsibility, and I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to be the best dad I can be for my kids. So over the years, I’ve collected ideas from others that I want to bring into our lives.
This is a growing list I’ll add to from time to time. Last updated .
Give Them Skin in the Game
From: Cameron Johnson
Cameron Johnson, a successful entrepreneur, wrote in his book You Call the Shots about how, when he turned eleven, his parents bought him two shares of each of three companies: Disney, Marriott and CSX Railroad. Not as an investment. They did it so he’d be involved, follow the market and learn about finance. Genius, I thought! I highlighted the passage and said to myself, one day when I have kids, I’m going to do that too.
At the time of writing this my kids are seven and four, so I have a ways to go, but when each hits ten to twelve, I’m going to do the same.
Write Them a Letter Every Birthday
From: Kim Kardashian
I heard on a podcast Kim Kardashian did not too long ago that every year, on each of her kids’ birthdays, she writes them a four- or five-page letter about what their year was like: who their friends are, the silly words they’re saying, their favorite foods, all the silly things they do, a little journey through their year.
I love this! I think it’s beautiful, and something that should be kept in an album. I look forward to writing my first letter.
Teach Them to Be Proud of Themselves
From: Kim Kardashian
On that same podcast, Kim shared that in addition to telling her kids she’s proud of them, she tells them over and over that they should be proud of themselves. That way they don’t need anyone else’s reinforcement.
I tell my kids all the time that I’m proud of them. I go overboard with praise. I think it’s because my mom did that with me. I’ve always been very confident in everything I do, even when I shouldn’t be, and I attribute that to my mom always praising me for how great I was at things, even when I sucked. But I never thought to tell my kids, just as often, that they should be proud of themselves.
A Dime Per Page
From: Patrick Bet-David
In the Bet-David household, when the kids turn six, book pages become currency. Each page read is worth ten cents toward something they want. You want that video game? No problem. You want that game system? No problem. He’ll buy it and put it on display in the house, but you can’t touch it until you’ve read enough to earn it.
This is incredible. I started it with my daughter. Honestly, it hasn’t gone well so far, and that’s my fault. I haven’t been enforcing it. We are, however, doing something similar. See the next one.
Coin Jar
From: Lindy, my sister-in-law
We have two magnetic jars on the fridge, one for each kid. When they do something well that we want them to work on, they get to drop in a coin. It can be going to bed on time, not jumping on the furniture, or doing their homework on time.
When the jar fills up to the top, they get to go to the treasure chest and pick a reward: a Happy Meal at McDonald’s (we otherwise never eat fast food), a $10 Target gift card, a candy bar. They have so much fun with this! And it helps them work on the things we want them to improve.
Follow Through
From: Source forgotten
When you say you’re going to do something, do it. When you threaten to put them in time-out because they’re acting up, you better do it. When you say you’re going to take away their tablet if they don’t behave, do it.
This one stuck with me when I heard it, and I’ve been unwavering about it from day one.
I’m Their Father, Not Their Friend
From: Boiler Room
“I’m not your friend, Seth. I’m your father.” It’s a harsh scene in the movie Boiler Room, and I don’t agree with everything said in it, but there is a difference between being a friend and being a father to your children.
As much as you might want to be their friend, I’m not. I’m their father, and it’s an important and valuable distinction.
Team Sport. Individual Sport. Strategy Game.
FROM: My own
One team sport. One individual sport. One strategy game.
When I was young, my mom made my siblings and me play sports. We had no choice. Now that I’m older, I’m glad she did. I want to take that a step further with my kids, because different types of competition teach different lessons.
So each year, my kids will do three types of competitive activities each year:
- Team sports teach teamwork, camaraderie, competition, sportsmanship, and how to win and lose with other people.
- Individual sports teach personal accountability. Nobody else gets the credit, and nobody else gets the blame.
- Strategy games like chess and poker teach decision-making, probability, patience, and how to think a few moves ahead.
Never Say No to a Book
From: Source forgotten
I can’t remember which entrepreneur mentioned this, but it stuck with me, and it’s a simple one. His family didn’t have much money growing up. Funds were always tight, and he didn’t get the toys or new clothes he wanted. But his parents had a rule: any book he wanted, no matter the cost and no matter how often, they’d buy it for him.
I value education deeply and am 100% on board with this. I’m guilty of spoiling my kids and buying them more toys than I probably should, though I say no often enough that I’m not raising them to feel entitled. But I’ll never say no to a book.
Change the Words
From: Jesse Itzler
When Jesse hears his kids say they can’t do something, he makes them repeat “I can do it” three times, loud. If they say something like “I don’t want to go to school” or “It’s going to be a bad day,” he has them repeat “It’s going to be a great day!” three times, loud.
I use this often. I believe in the power of affirmations, and that’s kind of what’s happening here. The words you tell yourself matter. They can change your physiology and your mood, for better or worse.
There’s a huge spider web at a playground we go to. My oldest wanted to climb it but kept saying, “I can’t, I’m afraid.” I told her to stop saying that right now and instead say, as loud as she could, “I can do this! I’m not afraid! This is easy!” Three times. By the time she was done, she climbed all the way to the top. It works! And I use it all the time.