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The message is clear—those who do not feel in control of their lives are less successful, and less psychologically and physically healthy, than those who do feel in control.

As psychologist David Myers once phrased it, “Thanks to our capacity to adapt to ever greater fame and fortune, yesterday’s luxuries can soon become today’s necessities and tomorrow’s relics.”

The bad news is that research shows that about 50 percent of your overall sense of happiness is genetically determined, and so cannot be altered.7 The better news is that another 10 percent is attributable to general circumstances (educational level, income, whether you are married or single, etc.) that are difficult to change. However, the best news is that the remaining 40 percent is derived from your day-to-day behavior and the way you think about yourself and others. With a little knowledge, you can become substantially happier in just a few seconds.

So, if thought suppression is not the answer, what can you do? One possibility is to distract yourself. Perhaps spend time with your family, go to a party, get more involved in your work, or take up a new hobby. Although this technique can often provide an effective short-term boost, it will probably not lead to a long-term sense of contentment. For that, research suggests, you need to know how to use a pencil, how to keep the perfect diary, how to carry out small acts of kindness, and how to develop the gratitude attitude.

In several studies, participants who have experienced a traumatic event have been encouraged to spend just a few minutes each day writing a diary-type account of their deepest thoughts and feelings about it.

Although these types of exercises were both speedy and simple,

the results revealed that participants experienced a remarkable boost in their psychological and physical well-being, including a reduction in health problems and an increase in self-esteem and happiness.

From a psychological perspective, thinking and writing are very different. Thinking can often be somewhat unstructured, disorganized, and even chaotic. In contrast, writing encourages the creation of a story line and structure that help people make sense of what has happened and work toward a solution. In short, talking can add to a sense of confusion, but writing provides a more systematic, solution-based approach.

One of the most important writing techniques for boosting happiness revolves around the psychology of gratitude.

participants were asked to spend a few minutes during four consecutive days describing their ideal future. They were asked to be realistic but to imagine that all had gone as well as it possibly could and that they had achieved their goals. Another group was asked to imagine a traumatic event that had happened to them, and a third group simply wrote about their plans for the day. The results revealed that those who had described their best possible future ended up significantly happier than those in the other groups.

In short, when it comes to an instant fix for everyday happiness, certain types of writing have a surprisingly quick and large impact. Expressing gratitude, thinking about a perfect future, and affectionate writing have been scientifically proven to work—and all they require is a pen, a piece of paper, and a few moments of your time.

Monday: Thanksgiving

Think back over the past week and list three of these things.

Tuesday: Terrific Times

Think about one of the most wonderful experiences in your life.

Choose just one experience and imagine yourself back in that moment in time. Remember how you felt and what was going on around you. Now spend a few moments writing a description of that experience and how you felt.

Wednesday: Future Fantastic Spend a few moments writing about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone really well. Be realistic, but imagine that you have worked hard and achieved all of your aims

and ambitions. Imagine that you have become the person that you really want to be, and that your personal and professional life feels like a dream come true. All of this may not help you achieve your goals, but it will help you feel good and put a smile on your face.

Thursday: Dear … Think about someone in your life who is very important to you. It might be your partner, a close friend, or a family member. Imagine that you have only one opportunity to tell this person how important they are to you. Write a short letter to this person, describing how much you care for them and the impact that they have had on your life.

Friday: Reviewing the Situation Think back over the past seven days and make a note of three things that went really well for you.

Jot down a sentence about why you think each event turned out so well.

The results from both studies clearly indicated that in terms of short- and long-term happiness, buying experiences made people feel better than buying products.

But choosing experiences over goods is only part of the story when trying to buy happiness.

In fact, participants who spent the money on their friends and family ended up feeling significantly happier than those who treated themselves to luxury gifts.

So, scientifically speaking, if you want some real retail therapy, help yourself by helping others. It has a direct effect on your brain that in turn makes you feel happier.

few years ago happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues arranged for a group of participants to perform five nonfinancial acts of kindness each week for six weeks.25 These were simple things, such as writing a thank-you note, giving blood, or helping a friend. Some of the participants performed one of the acts each day, while others carried out all five on the same day. Those who performed their kind acts each day showed a small increase in happiness. However, those who carried out all their acts of kindness on just one day each week increased their happiness by an incredible 40 percent.

Buy Experiences, Not Goods. Want to buy happiness? Then spend your hard-earned cash on experiences. Go out for a meal. Go to a concert, movie, or the theater. Go on vacation. Go and learn how to pole dance. Go play paintball. Go bungee jumping. In fact, get involved in anything that provides an opportunity to do things with others, and then tell even more people about it afterward. When it comes to happiness, remember, it is experiences that represent really good value for the money.

‘Tis Better to Give Than to Receive. Long-term happiness is not just about gyrating around a pole to raunchy music or plummeting toward the ground while screaming like a baby. Ask people whether they will be happier after spending money on themselves or others, and the vast majority will check the “me” box. The science shows that exactly the opposite is true—people become much happier after providing for others rather than themselves. The

good news is that you really do not have to divert a huge proportion of your income to charity, friends, family, and colleagues. In fact, the smallest gifts can quickly result in surprisingly large and long-lasting changes in happiness. A few dollars spent on others may be one of the best investments that you ever make. And if you really can’t afford to donate your hard-earned cash, remember that carrying out five nonfinancial acts of kindness on a single day also provides a significant boost to happiness.

The message from this type of work is simple: if you want to cheer yourself up, behave like a happy person.

Smile. There are a number of happiness-inducing behaviors that can be quickly incorporated into your everyday life. Most important of all, smile more. This shouldn’t be a brief, unfelt smile that ends in the blink of an eye. Instead, research suggests that you should try to maintain the expression for between fifteen and thirty seconds. To make the grin as convincing as possible, try to imagine a situation that would elicit a genuine smile. Perhaps you have just met a good friend, heard a hilarious joke, or found out that your mother-in-law isn’t coming to visit after all.

Sit Up. Your posture is equally important. In a study conducted by Tomi-Ann Roberts at Colorado College, participants were randomly split into two groups and asked to spend three minutes either sitting up straight or slumping in their chairs.31 Everyone was then given a math test and asked to assess their mood. Those who had sat upright were much happier than those who had slouched, and they even made higher scores on the math test.

So, to maximize happiness, choose intentional change over circumstantial change. Make the effort to start a new hobby, begin a major project, or try a sport that you have never tried before. Choose activities that fit your personality, values, and abilities. It might help

to think about what you already enjoy doing, identify the core elements that make this activity so pleasurable, and try other activities involving the same elements. If, for example, you enjoy drawing, try taking up water-colors. If you like playing tennis, consider taking up badminton or squash. If you are good at Sudoku, try turning your hand to crossword puzzles. Whatever you decide to pursue, make a real effort to change what you do and when you do it. It may sound like hard work, but research suggests that when it comes to happiness, it is well worth the effort.

the conclusion is clear: if you set children to an activity that they enjoy and reward them for doing it, the reward reduces the enjoyment and demotivates them. Within a few seconds you transform play into work.

As we’ve seen, what does not work is to motivate people with the promise of a reward. So what form of incentive does work? To encourage people to do more of something they enjoy, try presenting them with the occasional small surprise reward after they have completed the activity or praising the fruits of their labor. When it is something that they don’t enjoy, a realistic, but not excessive, reward is effective at the start, followed by feel-good comments that encourage them to pursue the activity (“If only

everyone was a good park-cleaning citizen like you”).

The Franklin Effect People like you more when they do a favor for you. The effect has its limits, however, and is more likely to work with small favors rather than more significant requests that make people either respond begrudgingly or, even worse, refuse.

The Pratfall Effect The occasional slipup can enhance your likeability. However, remember that the effect really works only when you are in danger

being seen as too perfect.

The message is that people are more likely to agree with you when they have already said something positive.

A large body of research has shown that doing a favor for someone often results in their giving significantly more in return.

Favors have their strongest effect when they

occur between people who don’t know each other very well, and when they are small but thoughtful.

So, for maximum persuasion, remember: save your favors for strangers, it really is the thought that counts, and the favor has to appear to come from the heart, not the head.

Finally, if you want to get maximum return for your investment, ask for the return favor quickly. Francis Flynn from Stanford University surveyed employees in the customer-service department of a major U.S. airline, and found that favors have their greatest power immediately after they have been granted.38 It seems that if you leave it too long, people either forget what happened or convince themselves that they didn’t really need the help in the first place.

Why should it be so bad for you to imagine yourself achieving your goals? Researchers have speculated that those who fantasize about how wonderful life could be are ill prepared for the setbacks that frequently occur along the rocky road to success, or perhaps they enjoy indulging in escapism and so become reluctant to put in the effort required to achieve their goals. Either way, the message from the research is clear: fantasizing about your perfect world may make you feel better, but it is unlikely to help you transform your dreams into reality.

IN 59 SECONDS To achieve your aims and ambitions, there are four key techniques that will help you succeed: having the right kind of plan, telling your friends and family, focusing on the benefits, and rewarding yourself each step of the way. To help you incorporate these techniques into your life, I have created a unique motivational journal that can be used when you are attempting any form of change. 1. What is your overall goal? My overall goal is to … 2. Creating a step-by-step plan Break your overall goal into a maximum of five smaller steps. Each step should be associated with a goal that is concrete, measurable, realistic, and time-based. Think about how you will achieve each step and the reward that you will give yourself when you do. The rewards can be anything you like, perhaps ice cream, new shoes or clothes, the latest high-tech gadget, a book, dinner out, or a massage. For each of the five sub-goals, complete the following statements in writing.

STEP 1 My first sub-goal is to… I believe that I can achieve this goal because … To achieve this sub-goal, I will … This will be achieved by the following date: My reward for achieving this will be …

What are the benefits of achieving your overall goal? List three important benefits, focusing on how much better life will be for you and those around you. Focus on enjoying the benefits associated with your desired future rather than escaping the negative aspects of your current situation. • •

4. Going public Whom are you going to tell about your goal and sub-goals? Perhaps your friends, family, or colleagues. Could you describe it on a blog or display it somewhere prominent in your house or at the office?

The following procedure, based on the doublethink procedure, can be used to motivate you to achieve your goals and persevere in the face of difficulties. 1. What is your goal? 2. Potential benefits and setbacks QUESTION A Write down one word that would reflect an important way in which your life would be better if you achieved your goal. QUESTION B Write down one word that would reflect a significant barrier that stands in the way of achieving your goal.

QUESTION C Write down one word that would reflect another important way in which your life would be better if you achieved your goal. QUESTION D Write down one word that would reflect another significant barrier that stands in the way of achieving your goal. 3. Elaboration Elaborate your answer to Question A. Imagine all of the benefits that would flow from this achievement and note your ideas in the space below. Elaborate your answer to Question B. Imagine how the obstacle hinders achievement and the steps that you would take to deal with it and note your ideas in the space below. Elaborate your answer to Question C. Imagine all of the benefits that would flow from this achievement and note your ideas in the space below.

Elaborate your answer to Question D. Imagine how the obstacle hinders achievement and the steps that you would take to deal with it and note your ideas in the space below.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Research shows that just placing food or drink out of sight or moving it a few feet away can have a big effect on consumption.

Focus, Focus, Focus People eat significantly more when they are distracted at mealtimes and therefore are not paying attention to their food.

Mirror, Mirror, on the Kitchen Wall Work conducted by Stacey Sentyrz and Brad Bushman, at Iowa State University, suggests that placing a mirror in your kitchen may help you shed pounds.29

To inspire creative thoughts, place plants and flowers in a room and, if possible, ensure that windows look out on trees and grass, not concrete and steel. Don’t try to fake it. Pictures of waterfalls do not aid innovation, and even high-definition screens showing live camera feeds from natural scenes do not make people feel more relaxed.13 So if you really cannot introduce nature into a space, head for the nearest green spot. Also, when decorating rooms to inspire creative and innovative thinking, avoid red and go for green.

Priming To prime your mind for thinking creatively, spend a few moments describing a typical musician or artist. List their typical behaviors, lifestyle, and appearance.

Aron’s work suggests that long-term couples will feel more attracted to each other when they regularly engage in novel and exciting joint activities that involve working together to achieve a goal.

So regardless of whether it is playing a sport, amateur dramatics, rock climbing, visiting new places, learning a new dance, or traveling to novel vacation destinations, couples who face life’s foam obstacles together stick together.

When you experience an event that has the potential to make you feel angry, try the following exercise to ease the pain and help you move on. Spend a few moments thinking about the positive aspects of the event that you found hurtful. For example, did the event help you … grow stronger or become aware of personal strengths that you didn’t realize you had? appreciate certain aspects of your life more than before? become a wiser person? enhance important relationships or end bad ones? become more skilled at communicating your feelings?

bolster your confidence? develop into a more compassionate or forgiving person? repair and strengthen your relationship with a person who hurt you? identify any of your own shortcomings that may stand in the way of your happiness? Write down how you have benefited from the experience and how your life is better as a result of what happened. Do not withhold anything and be as honest as possible.

Help Yourself by Praying for Others. Research conducted by Neal Krause at the University of Michigan suggests that praying for others might be good for your health.6

Here Comes the Sun. Work conducted by Matthew Keller at the Virginia Institute for Psychiatric and Behavioral Genetics, and outside colleagues, looked at the relationship between the sun and emotion.8 The team discovered that hot weather, indicated by higher temperatures and barometric pressure, caused people to be in a better mood and improved their memory, but only if they had spent more than thirty minutes outside.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you increase your chances of a heart attack.

People who spontaneously use humor to cope with stress have especially healthy immune systems, are 40 percent less likely to suffer a heart attack or stroke, experience less pain during dental surgery, and live four and a half years longer than average.

There are two key messages from this research. First, owning a dog helps to relieve the stresses and strains of everyday life, in part because it promotes social contact.

To help reduce your heart rate and blood pressure in less than a minute, go online and watch a video of a cute animal.

Exercise is an effective way to reduce blood pressure, but how much of this relationship is just in the mind?

It is easy to fall into the trap of trying to make children feel good by praising their abilities and talents. However, research shows that such compliments can have a detrimental effect and that it is far better to focus on the children’s effort, concentration, and organizational skills. So, for example, when your daughter gets a good exam grade, recognize how hard she must have studied, how well she organized her homework time, and how good she must have been at performing under pressure. Similarly, when your son wins a place on the school football team, praise his ability to train hard and work well with others. This kind of praise encourages effort, resilience, and persistence in the face

failure. To help children focus further, consider asking reflective questions about the techniques and strategies that they used (“What parts of that did you enjoy the most?” or “How did you deal with any problems that came up?”), and try to make the praise as specific as possible (“You played well at football today,” rather than “You are good at football”).16

The Marshmallow Test It is easy to do the marshmallow test with your own children and friends. Find a food that they like and offer them the option of a small portion now or a larger portion if they sit and wait for about ten minutes. If you are going to do this quick and fun assessment, make sure that your guinea pigs can see the small and large portions of food throughout the test. Mischel’s research suggests that the experiment is most effective when people are continuously tempted by the sight of their favorite food!

Heads and Toes During this game, children have to touch their toes when they hear the phrase “Touch your head,” and touch their head when they hear the phrase “Touch your toes.” To play, explain the rules to your child and give them a couple

of practice sessions. Then randomly say the phrase “Touch your head” or “Touch your toes” and award 2 points if the child makes the correct response without hesitation, 1 point when they start to make the incorrect response and then correct themselves, and 0 points for an incorrect response. Try a list of ten commands and see how they score. On average, three-year-old children tend to obtain 3 points, four-year-olds score about 10, and five-year-olds get about 14 correct. If your child does not score within this range, don’t panic! It is perfectly…

Focusing on Focus Studies suggest that playing certain types of games can help children learn to pay attention, follow directions, and develop self-control.22 In the “freeze game,” tell your child to dance to music and then freeze when the music stops. In the first part of the game, your child has to dance slowly to slow songs and quickly to fast songs. However, once they have mastered this stage, ask them to do the opposite, dancing quickly to the slow songs and slowly to the fast songs. In…

makeshift baton. In the first part of the game, ask them to play when you wave the baton but stop when you put it down. Next, ask them to play quickly when you move the baton quickly and slowly when you move the baton slowly. Finally, ask your child to do the opposite, playing quickly when you put the baton down and slowly when you wave it around. There are several other techniques that can help children understand, value, and develop the power of self-discipline. Have them write their name with their nondominant hand, repeat the months of the year or days of the week in reverse order, or name as many objects in a certain category (e.g., vegetables, pets, countries) as they can in thirty seconds. Also, when you see your child concentrating very hard on something, encourage them to reflect on their behavior by, for example, asking them how long they…

Develop the Gratitude Attitude. Having people list three things that they are grateful for in life or three events that have gone especially well over the past week can significantly increase their level of happiness for about a month. This, in turn, can cause them to be more optimistic about the future and can improve their physical health. Be a Giver. People become much happier after even the smallest acts of kindness. Those who give a few dollars to the needy, buy a small surprise gift for a loved one, donate blood, or help a friend are inclined to experience a fast-acting and significant boost in happiness. Hang a Mirror in Your Kitchen. Placing a mirror in front of people when they are presented with different food options results in a remarkable 32 percent reduction in their consumption of unhealthy food. Seeing their own reflection makes them more aware of their body and more likely to eat food that is good for them. Buy a Potted Plant for the Office. Adding plants to an office results in a 15 percent boost in the number of creative ideas reported by male employees and helps their female counterparts to produce more original solutions to problems. The plants help reduce stress and induce good moods, which, in turn, promote creativity. Touch People Lightly on The Upper Arm. Lightly touching someone on their upper arm makes them far more likely to agree to a request because the touch is unconsciously perceived as a sign of high status. In one dating study, the touch produced a 20 percent increase in the number of people who accepted an invitation to dance in a nightclub and a 10 percent increase in those who would give their telephone number to a stranger on the street. Write About Your Relationship. Partners who spend a few moments each week committing their deepest thoughts and feelings about their relationship to paper boost the chances that they will stick together by more than 20 percent. Such “expressive writing” results in partners’ using more positive language when they speak to each other, leading to a healthier and happier relationship. Deal with Potential Liars by Closing Your Eyes and Asking for an E-mail. The most reliable cues to lying are in the words

that people use, with liars tending to lack detail, use more “ums” and “ahs,” and avoid self-references (“me,” “mine,” “I”). In addition, people are about 20 percent less likely to lie in an e-mail than in a telephone call, because their words are on record and so are more likely to come back and haunt them. Praise Children’s Effort over Their Ability. Praising a child’s effort rather than their ability (“Well done. You must have tried very hard”) encourages them to try regardless of the consequences, therefore sidestepping fear of failure. This, in turn, makes them especially likely to attempt challenging problems, find these problems enjoyable, and try to solve them on their own time. Visualize Yourself Doing, Not Achieving. People who visualize themselves taking the practical steps needed to achieve their goals are far more likely to succeed than those who simply fantasize about their dreams becoming a reality. One especially effective technique involves adopting a third-person perspective: those who visualize themselves as others see them are about 20 percent more successful

those who adopt a first-person point of view. Consider Your Legacy. Asking people to spend just a minute imagining a close friend standing up at their funeral and reflecting on their personal and professional legacy helps them to identify their long-term goals and assess the…